There are projects that are hard to justify. No career plan, no track record to prove, not even a good reason to give to loved ones. Just something that pulls, without knowing where it comes from.
This is what happened to Rafael Hidalgo. Family man, married, twenty years of international finance behind him, no background as a runner, no high-level athlete baggage. And yet, during the Covid period, he signed up for the Ultra-Trail du Mont-Blanc: one hundred miles, three countries, more positive elevation gain than Everest. He couldn't explain it to anyone. Not even to himself.
From this race was born "The Pain Cave", a narrative that follows, step by step, the course of the UTMB, from Chamonix to the finish, passing through Courmayeur, Champex-Lac and all the passes that ultimately confront a runner with themselves. Catherine Poletti, co-founder of the UTMB, wrote the foreword.
Rafael Hidalgo had nothing to prove to anyone. No record to beat, no sponsor to satisfy, no ready-made speech to serve in an interview. Just this call, which he followed without really knowing where it led and which took him much further than one hundred miles of trail.
It is this story that speaks to us: that of someone ordinary who seeks outside, in effort and discomfort, what the daily life does not provide. We find it in all those who go run a pass on a Sunday morning without knowing why that day rather than another, in those who sign up for a race that slightly exceeds them, in all those for whom the mountain is less a backdrop than a place where we meet. Rafael Hidalgo is no different from them. He just wrote what happens when you go to the end.
We wanted to know more about what he retains today. We asked him the question directly.
Questions for Rafael Hidalgo
You didn’t have the right profile or experience for the UTMB: what, specifically, stopped you from giving up?
I was not a runner and I didn't even particularly like running. Yet, after watching a film about the Leadville 100, something awakened in me and drew me towards the UTMB.
I didn't really know why. I just felt, somewhere deep inside me, that I had to go in this direction, precisely because it seemed impossible. The uncertainty, the risk of failure and the adventure excited me more than the prospect of a performance.
The difficulty was not the obstacle: it was the magnet.
The title suggests starting with the ‘where’ rather than the ‘why’: how does that change the way you approach a project, whether it’s sports-related or not?
"Why are you doing the UTMB?" was the question that everyone asked me, and I could never answer it convincingly. I could mention the adventure, the beauty of the mountains, an association or my children, but these answers seemed constructed afterwards to rationalize something that had already seized me and that I did not yet understand.
We are often told that we must start with our « why ». But this may be the most difficult question there is: what is the purpose of my life? We then seek a perfectly articulated answer, as if our purpose must first be understood intellectually before it can be lived.
The UTMB taught me that movement often happens in the other direction. Some destinations first capture our attention, awaken our enthusiasm, and refuse to leave us alone. We do not yet know why they matter, but something in us recognizes a direction. The « where » comes before the « why ».
Looking at my life, I found the same thread in dreams that seemed very different: becoming a fighter pilot, a race car driver, a tornado chaser, an ultra-trailer, an entrepreneur, or author. Their common point was not a particular profession, but exploration, adventure, and the call of what seemed difficult or uncertain. Each of these destinations revealed a facet of the same deep drive.
Starting with the « where » is therefore not abandoning reason. It is stopping waiting to have intellectually resolved the meaning of our life before we start moving forward. It is trusting what resonates deeply within us, as we knew how to do when we were children, and then letting the path, the effort, and the experience gradually reveal to us why this direction mattered so much.
What has the ‘pain cave’ taught you about yourself that twenty years in finance never taught you?
The pain cave taught me that deep happiness does not reside only in comfort, pleasure, security, or certainty. It is forged in the effort required to move towards what inspires us deeply.
Our dreams and our goals are like the pebbles of Little Thumb: they may not be our ultimate purpose, but they guide us in the direction where our reason for being can be revealed.
By leaving our comfort zone, by willingly facing difficulties and pursuing adventure despite uncertainty, we discover a potential that would otherwise have remained buried. Without a dragon, there is no treasure.
As the ancient alchemical formula says: In sterquiliniis invenitur, it is in what we would prefer to avoid that we often find what we are looking for.
Where to find the book
« The Pain Cave » is available on rafael-hidalgo.com